i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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