so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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