if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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