I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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