I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
