Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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