i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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