i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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