I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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