$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
