A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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