Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
