i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
