David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
