I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
