Do you still have your period?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
