then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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