Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
