i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize