Already got asked if we're dating
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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