Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
