You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
