I think scott just propositioned me for sex
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
