dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
