Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
