I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
