Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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