i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
