when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
