I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
