Jerry, you need to find god
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
sex in a hospital.. check
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