i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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