I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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