hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
