called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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