I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
