What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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