We're facebook friends in real life
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize