it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
