I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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