i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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