I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
