I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
