he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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