Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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