So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
