Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
