Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I understand Curling. That high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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