Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He better not be in your backpack
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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