That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
