I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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