I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
