he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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