Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
