I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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