nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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