It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
