Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
