do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Someone shattered a urinal.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
