6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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