babies were throwing up all over the place
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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