Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
