dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
