I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
