Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
