More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
