So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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