My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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