a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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