i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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