i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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