Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
