Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize