When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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