I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize