It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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