She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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