We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
