i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
