she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
