this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize